Thursday 6th February - Hello Sexy

All good things must come to an end but first breakfast. The kitchen extract system has been turned up high which masks the kitsch music. D goes all Sri Lankan and has spicy dal, sambol and string hoppers, a type of noodle, to go with his omelette. Our journey moves on to India this afternoon and things will be different. D is a little trepidatious about today as it is the first time that we have travelled to India without the reassurance of a paper visa pasted into our passports. Instead we have an email attachment, printed at home, that purports to be an Electronic Travel Authority. Hmmm. The flight is at 14.25 and we need to be at the airport 3 hours before that. The hotel recommend leaving at 10.15 so we book a car for then. Inevitably this gets us to the airport more than half an hour early. We go through two sets of security to get into the building and discover that check in has not yet opened for our flight.

When it does open we have to go through another detailed security check before reporting to the Indigo check in desk. We arrive there second in line. There is some problem that means that nine people are behind the desk staring at a screen. The lady ahead of us seems unhappy about something but is eventually pacified. We step forward and D lifts the large holdall onto the belt. The read out says 18.7kg, then 19.4, then 20.2, then 17.6. The critical weight is 20kg and it seems to stabilise at 18.2. The checkout staff are not interested at all in the weight as they frantically call up a supervisor. We have handed in tickets, passports, ETAs and still they don't seem happy. Half a dozen people examine the ETAs and nod sagely. Eventually we are asked for the tickets for our flights back to the UK. This seems to break the logjam and our boarding passes get issued. We have been at the counter for 20 minutes, people must hate us.

In Departures there are competing Duty Free outlets. We need to top up our booze stache. Both outlets have the same price for the bottom end French Brandy that we go for. One of them offers buy 2, get one free. We may have to start flambéing things to get through this lot. There is a place called the Palm Strip Bar & Restaurant which turns out to be more like an industrial canteen. It does serve beer and coffee and gives us somewhere to sit. Unless you are the clergy seats are in short supply in this part of the airport.

We notice that both Sri Lankan Airlines flights scheduled to go to China today have been cancelled. Most of the airport staff appear to be wearing facemasks and about 10% of the punters. The board shows that the gate is open for our flight and also that the gate has changed. We go through the most serious security check yet, which involves removing our shoes. Boarding involves a bus but at least the plane is nice and cool when we board. IndiGo is a bit like EasyJet but with blue upholstery. Everybody gets on, the doors are shut and the staff do the safety routine. At the end of this the head stewardess invites us to look through Hello Sexy magazine which certainly wakes the crowd up.

The flight lasts a little over an hour and we are slightly early. When arrive at the e-visa immigration counter to be told we need to complete a form. There are no forms to be had and an official goes to find some. When he reappears we get two forms, complete them and rejoin the queue about 4th in line. Each person being processed takes an age. Twenty questions then mugshot, then finger prints and thumbprints, evidence of accommodation booked, forward travel plans. What took five minutes entering Sri Lanka takes at least twenty here.

At last we are dealt with and admitted to India. Customs is just a walk through. Things seem quite straightforward at the Vodaphone counter until the first SIM card turns out to be non functioning. They have to go through the process of scanning passport and visa, taking a mugshot, hand entering all sorts of address details, scanning the hotel booking for a second time. Then it turns out that they don't accept cards, just cash. Wait till Mr Modi finds out. The ATM in the arrivals hall charges a fee and gives a very poor rate of exchange. Grrrrr!. At least we have a working phone and data plan with the  added bonus of a number that ends in 007.

Getting a prepaid taxi is straightforward but we get snarled up in Bangalore's traffic as the homebound rush starts. We get checked in to the Laika without problem, drop our bags and head out to eat. We are starving.